


Of Gods and Mobsters

by Squeaky



Series: Intoabar fics [3]
Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: BAMF Maria Hill, Community: intoabar, Gen, SHIELD knows what's best for you, Shitty alcoholic beverages, Walk Into A Bar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-03
Updated: 2016-05-03
Packaged: 2018-06-06 01:54:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6733213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Squeaky/pseuds/Squeaky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leonard Snart and Maria Hill meet in a bar. The drinks are terrible and her offer is worse, but maybe he'll take it anyway.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Gods and Mobsters

**Author's Note:**

> As always, massive kisses and ice cream to [Taste_is_Sweet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taste_is_Sweet/works) for her amazing beta. The title is hers and the fic is SO much better for her keen eye.
> 
> * * *

Leonard Snart hated bars.

He didn’t mind the drinking, or even the people taking up space next to him, filling the numerous tables, chatting with their companions or playing pool pathetically like the easy marks they were. 

What Leonard hated was the _waiting._ The fact that so much of being in a bar meant waiting for things: a drink from the harried bartender; a better song to come on the jukebox; the person who asked you to meet them there to actually show up…

Leonard scowled into his drink. He’d ordered the best scotch this two-bit, fleabag of an establishment claimed to have because he wasn’t planning on paying for it. But the scotch tasted like shit. Harsh and almost burnt, like it’d been picked up in a hardware store beside the paint thinner. It’d serve the place right if he just poured it on the bar and used Micky’s gun to set it on fire.

 _Mick._ Casually he raised his eyes and slid them over to the far corner of the room, where his partner-in-crime was sitting with his back to the wall, drinking some domestic beer straight from the bottle. They made eye contact, but then continued to act like they didn’t know each other. Leonard smiled to himself, pleased that Mick had followed directions for once and was where they’d agreed he should be. Leonard loved Mick. He’d freely admit that their friendship was the only real thing of value that he had in the world. Well, besides his sister, his intellect and his thieving skills. And his ability to fight and the ingenious weapons they’d liberated from Barry Allen and his gang of idiots. So, maybe Mick wasn’t quite that important. Leonard shrugged. It was still good to know that Mick was there for backup in case this mysterious contact actually showed and everything went to hell. 

Assuming they showed up, that was. 

Leonard hated waiting.

He took another sip of his drink and grimaced at the burn. The scotch really was awful. 

A woman with piercing blue eyes that gleamed with intelligence and dark brown hair pulled back into a loose bun slid into the stool beside him. She was beautiful in a way that made him think of the elegance of ancient statues. Her features were as even and cold as if they’d been carved from marble. 

“Oops. Guess I should’ve told you not to order the scotch,” she said completely unapologetically.

Leonard swivelled on his stool so that he was facing her. He smirked in a way that should convince anyone who might be watching that he was just about to hit on her and their conversation would proceed accordingly. Nothing interesting here. “That’s the least of the information you haven’t yet told me.” He allowed a glimmer of a threat to light his eyes. “Maria.”

“Touché,” Maria Hill said, completely unperturbed. She raised her perfectly sculpted eyebrows. “But you’re not _actually_ expecting me to be impressed that you read the information about SHIELD that’s been all over the internet, are you?—Unless you want me to be impressed that you can read.”

That made Leonard smirk for real. “You’re the _former_ 2IC of SHIELD. Now you’re a peon at Stark Industries. Oh how the mighty have fallen.” 

“And yet, here I am, about to make you an offer you can’t refuse.”

“Oh?” He took another sip of his drink.

She noticed his wince. “Want me to order you something else?”

“Yes,” he said decisively, sliding the offensive beverage back across the bar. 

Maria looked at him appraisingly. “What? No masculine posturing? Now I am impressed.”

“Alcohol should only be drunk to be enjoyed.” Leonard signaled the bartender. “Otherwise you’re only drinking it for its chemical properties. Only cretins drink merely for the chemical properties.”

“Like your partner chugging back the Budweiser against the wall? Yes, I saw him, and yes I know who he is,” Maria continued at Leonard’s look. “You’re not the only one who can read.”

The bartender’s arrival saved Leonard from any response, but he found himself eyeing Maria with grudging respect as she ordered them both a whisky sour. 

“No one can ruin one of these,” she said as she passed him his glass. He pulled out the cherry and immediately threw it one the floor. Maria frowned at him as she pulled the stem of hers from between her teeth. “I would’ve eaten that.”

“I’ll give you my next one. Assuming we get far enough in this conversation to warrant a second round.” He picked up his glass. “Now, about that offer?”

“Despite what the fall of the Triskelion and the flood of top-secret information to the internet may have looked like, SHIELD is not dead. Not even close.”

He sat straighter. “You want me to join SHIELD.”

She scowled at him. “We might’ve just had our headquarters crash into the Potomac, but we’re not _that_ desperate.” 

That actually made him chuckle. He raised his glass in her direction. “Touché. But please, rest assured that I most certainly would’ve refused that offer. There is nothing about SHIELD that I find remotely attractive.”

“The uniforms are pretty comfortable.” Maria shrugged. “And the dental—“

It was his turn to scowl at her. “You're not nearly as amusing as you think you are. Now, this offer?”

“SHIELD has learned some information that concerns you, Mr. Snart,” she said. “Or more precisely, something that we need you to do.”

Leonard crossed his arms. “Do tell.”

“In about three months, you and Mr. Rory are going to be approached by a man named Rip Hunter,” Maria said. “He’ll claim to be something called a ‘Time Master,’ and he’ll ask you and Mr. Rory to join him, along with six other people in his Timeship, the _Waverider_ , in order to travel through time to stop someone called Vandal Savage from destroying the planet.” 

“A Time Master,” Leonard repeated.

“Yes.” 

“In a Timeship.”

“Yes.”

“Named Rip Hunter, who’ll ask me and Mick to join him in travelling through time.”

“Why the repetition?” Maria frowned. “I thought you had an eidetic memory—“ 

She stopped talking and looked down at her abdomen, where the point of Leonard’s knife was jabbing into her side, just above her liver. 

“What’s the trick?” Leonard hissed at her. “You lure me here and then spin this ridiculous story to distract me, for what? If you wanted to arrest me and Mick the place should’ve been swarming with agents by now.” He leaned closer, close enough that he could smell the tang of the whisky sour she’d drunk, and a hint of the shampoo she used, lemony-sweet. “What’s your game?”

“No game.” There wasn’t a hint of a waver in her voice. “And you’re right. If we wanted to arrest you, you’d both already be in chains. By the way, eighty eight percent of the people in here are agents, just waiting to pop a cap into your ass, so I might move that knife.”

“Twelve percent of the patrons aren’t agents,” Leonard said. “I’d hate to see those poor civilians get caught in the crossfire of Mick’s gun.”

“Well, I’d hate to see your bestie since juvie get a bullet to his brain,” Maria said nonchalantly. She took a sip of her drink. “God, why’d they put in so much lemon juice?”

Leonard’s eyes flicked to Mick. There was a beautiful woman sitting on his lap with her back to him and Maria. Mick was obviously enjoying himself, having lost the point of him watching Leonard’s six. He was also completely unaware of the gun tucked snuggly into the back of the agent’s jeans, with its grip clutched competently in her hand. Maria was right. Mick, in all his inobservant stupidity, would be dead before Leonard could warn him. He took a breath and pulled his knife back. 

Maria looked down at where the knife had been. “You put a hole in my shirt.”

“I’m sure that Stark will buy you a new one. And apparently I have no choice but to be all ears, so please continue with your fanciful tale.” He took another sip of his drink.

“Look,” Maria sighed. “I know how it sounds. Trust me, I know how _all_ of it sounds. Asgard, the Avengers. Sokovia getting destroyed by an army of sentient robots… If you’d told me even a _year ago_ that I’d—“

“I’m not interested in your personal history with the surreal,” Leonard interrupted. “Get to the point.”

“You need to join him,” Maria said with gratifying immediacy. “Rip Hunter. When he comes to recruit you and Mr. Rory, no matter how sketchy or…or _surreal_ it seems. Do it.”

“Join ‘Rip Hunter,’ Time Master and Captain of the _Waverider_ ,” Leonard repeated. “That’s why you dragged me out to this terrible bar in the ass-end of Central City. That’s what you wanted to tell me.”

“I would’ve preferred New York.” Maria shrugged. “But for some reason no one wanted to sign off on your plane ticket.”

Leonard crossed his arms. “You seriously expect me to believe that in approximately three months, a _Time Lord_ named Rip Hunter is going to appear and ask me and Mick to go with him on his _spaceship?_ That’s absurd.”

“He’s a Time Master,” Maria corrected, “Time Lords are fictional.”

“My mistake.” Leonard stared blandly at her. “How could I possibly confuse a Time Master with something made up?”

Maria thinned her lips. “I know how it sounds,” she repeated. “But yes, joining Hunter and his team on his ship is exactly what I want you to do.”

Leonard rested his elbow on the bar, fingers against his lip as he considered Maria. “Why?” he said finally. “Why me and Mick? Why us?”

“Fucked if I know.” She took another sip of her drink. “But when the all-seeing and all-hearing guardian sentry of Asgard tells you that shit’s going down and having Captain Cold and his boy-toy Heatwave involved might stop it? Well, you listen.”

Leonard blinked. “Heimdall—an Asgardian god—told you that Mick and I were going to help save the world?”

“Well, not in so many words…but that’s the gist of it, yes.”

There was a strange feeling in Leonard’s gut. Something rich and warm that he hadn’t felt in a long time. Not since he’d saved the Flash’s life when he could’ve just let Deathbolt kill him. “So, if Mick and I join Hunter, we’ll be heroes.” Leonard couldn’t quite keep the excitement out of his tone. 

Maria’s eyebrow flicked up, but she didn’t comment. “Heroes? Not exactly, But I believe the word he used was ‘Legends.’”

“Legends.” Leonard’s lips curled up. 

“Kind of intriguing isn’t it? The idea of being a legend,” Maria said as she took a sip of her drink. 

Leonard titled his head. “Assuming this story is true, and assuming that Rip Hunter does make his appearance, foreknowledge of his quest doesn’t guarantee my acquiescence. All it does is give Hunter a reprieve to tell me his plan before I kill him.”

“Fair enough.” Maria stood and dropped a couple of twenty-dollar bills on the bar. “I assume that’ll cover our horrible drinks?”

Leonard stood too. “That’s it? The fact I’m not going to kill Hunter outright is enough for you?”

Maria looked at him. “What am I going to do? _Force_ you to join him?” She shook her head. “Last time I checked, SHIELD were still the good guys. No. all I came here to do was get you to listen.”

“To a crazy story about a man who wants me to travel with him to the future.”

“To become a legend.” Maria smirked. 

“To become a legend,” Leonard repeated. “As prophesied by a god.” He shook his head before looking back at her. “It still sounds like a trick.”

Maria rolled her eyes. “It’s not a trick. If SHIELD wanted you captured it would’ve happened already. If SHIELD wanted you dead, well, I’d have already shot you.”

His grin was feral. “I’d like to see you try.”

“I’d like to see you actually _see_ me coming for you.” she grinned back, equally as feral. 

He laughed again; the second time in one night. He held her gaze, as icy as his gun.

“What?”

“I wish we’d met under different circumstances,” he said finally, surprising himself with his honesty. He stuck out his hand.

She took it. Her handshake was as strong and firm as her gaze. “Become that future legend that Hunter promised,” she said. “And maybe we will.” She left without a backwards glance.

Leonard was still watching where she’d disappeared through the crowd when Mick arrived beside him. “Was that the person you came to meet?” 

“Yes.”

Mick narrowed his eyes. “So, what she’d say?”

“She made me an offer I can’t refuse.”

That got all of Mick’s attention. “What was it? Does it involve money? Are we going to be rich?”

“Even better.” Leonard grinned. He shot down the last of his whisky sour. He grimaced. God they made shitty drinks. 

“What’s better than being rich?” Mick’s face was screwed up in its usual expression of confusion. “Being really rich?”

Leonard patted Mick on the back. “You'll see.”

* * *


End file.
